Yesterday and Today

To say that my family life was difficult growing up is probably quite an understatement. My parents fought like the proverbial cat and dog and did not seem to care when little ears were right there listening. Many issues during childhood made me feel terribly insecure and anxious...

My father has never been an easy person to please. Everything was questioned, nothing was ever good enough. The biggest problem with this is that it is still happening today. It extends from the simple things like when I make a meal that is beyond the usual, I hear, "Well, I have had worse" all the way to, "You should have done this long before now" when I had worked my a$$ off and graduated in 2007 just 4 months after having Ava. Several months back, I decided to apply for the nursing program at school because I just did not know what to do next. There were over 500 applicants to the program. The day I received my acceptance letter I felt so proud that I was one of the chosen students out of so many. Never did I hear a word of congratulations from my father. What I did hear was, "forget about that, why can't you go to medical school. You are not getting any younger".

The truth is, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to be a nurse. I just have struggled with what I should be doing and I chose to apply to the program. It is no wonder that I struggle with such indecisiveness in nearly every predicament that comes my way, even seemingly simple ones. It is diffult to choose where to eat because it might not go well and I will be to blame. How can I make big decisions like what I should do with my life?

I don't want to be like my parents. My life is bound up by anxiety, confusion and chaos. I don't want this for my children. I want to be my kid's greatest cheerleader in life, their support, a boundless source of love. I am so tired of my self worth being measured by my success on unjust scales of other's judgements.

The Tale of a Dirty Dog

So, the cord that Gigi ate was not from my Rebel. I don't really know what the cord was from, but I digress...



Last week, I put Gigi out on the patio because she was driving my a bit crazy. I let her back in and she was covered in dirt. I don't know what the heck happened to her, but that will be the last time I leave her unattended outside.

GiGi

I really want to say that I hate my dog, but since that sounds really mean, I will say that I strongly dislike her. Ava has been up this morning since 2:30. The night before, I spent 6 hours in the ER with Chase. Needless to say, I am TIRED!!! My lovely Bischon decided this morning to chew anything she could get her grubby, razor sharp puppy teeth on. This includes the cable for my camera and my glasses. I would post pics for you, but I can't...she ate the camera cable! We should have stuck with having just one dog...Madison!

Words of the Week

Disappointed- Aren't I a little old to feel like my birthday was a disappointment?

Tired- I really need a good night's rest!

Thankful- My dad's procedure went well this week.

Excited- Taking the kids to Blue Springs on Friday and am hoping there will be lots of manatees to see. I know the kids will enjoy it!

Starbucks- I really, really, really want a mocha frap!

Oxymoronic- I ate a chocolate dipped ice cream cone from McDonald's while reading a Biggest Loser book from the library. I am hoping reading the book is at least a start ;)

New Cell Phone!

I got my iPhone this past week that Paul bought me for Christmas (he could not find one before Christmas...maybe because he waited until December 23rd, but I digress ;) I plan to use this little piece of technology to help me with my lofty goal of being more organized this year. It is pretty neat, even if I don't know too much about it yet.

The calendar feature allows you to add your events and then set reminders. Two reminders, in fact! Because people like me apparently need all the help that can be mustered up! I entered in my events and set the reminder for 1 day before said events. And 1 hour before, you know, in case I forget the day before reminder.

I will be more organized!
I will be more organized!
I will be more organized!

Publix Shopping Trip 1/20

I went to Publix today to take advantage of some good deals they have going on. As usually happens to me, the cashier questioned just about every coupon I presented to her. It seems that many of the cashiers at the stores that I frequent seem to think that my coupon savings will be directly debited from their paychecks :( I had two coupons for 1 free jar of Aunt Nellie's veggies which the cashier said I could not use since I did not buy any veggies. The cashier standing next to her waiting to take over gently asked, "what exactly do you think beets are?!".

Before coupons and specials, my total was $103.99. After all of my savings my total was $39.97!!!

FYI-Publix is supposed to accept their coupons even if they are expired, but not manufacturer's coupons. Not sure if most people are aware of that policy. That policy helped me score some great deals today!

Typos and Bad Grammar

I really can't stand typos, misspelled words and bad grammar. Each of these things stick out like a sore thumb to me. So, I am especially aggravated that TWICE, in just one day, I typed something incorrectly on Facebook. Of course, I don't know how to delete what I already submitted and now I feel like an uneducated dummy!